Always Growing: Building Leaders

Did you have any favorite group games to play as I child?

I particularly liked “follow-the-leader.” This game, unlike similar you-say-and-I-do activities, holds a unique component of exploration attached to it. Whether you are the leader or the follower, the whole train is moving toward the unknown. As a kid, I always focused on the question, “Where will we go next?” And much less often, “How will we get there?”

Of course, I also frequently wondered:

“When will I get to be the leader?!”

It seemed so exciting, leading the train into the unknown, being in charge especially — being in charge of the next discovery. Following the leader is a good game particularly for our next stage of development in Erickson’s Developmental Theory: initiative v. guilt.

Special Note:

Any good theory is also meant for growth. Theories form as concepts in someone’s brain and then are tested and observed in practice. That means that good theories also have some flexibility, acknowledging ways they are useful and their own limitations, as well as leaving space for individual uniqueness.

With that in mind, I’m hoping you can see Erickson’s Theory with some fluidity. Initiative versus guilt is commonly understood to be primarily experienced from the ages of 3 years to upwards of 6 years, but some children will experience aspects of this stage a little earlier and some will take a little more time in this stage. In this blog series, we are working to see aspects of each developmental stage in our lives right now. Because … we are always growing. In that growth, I would propose that we encounter each stage again and again.

So where does initiative fit in when we are young and where does initiative fit into our lives as adults? 

Initiative is more than independence, or believing we are capable, although that is certainly a piece of initiative. Initiative builds on the developmental stage before it: autonomy (independent exploration and curiosity) versus shame. Children and adults working through initiative versus guilt are actually learning instead what it looks like to step out in leadership.

God makes leaders out of children and God makes leaders out of adults. We are always growing in these skills at every age and every stage.

In what areas of your life are you using leadership skills currently?

Maybe it’s running a company, maybe it’s helping the person next to you solve a problem, maybe it’s calling out injustice, maybe it’s making sure your household is running relatively smoothly.

How did God grow you as a leader when you were very small, when you were a teen, or when you were a young adult? How has God grown you in those middle years of life, or the later ones?

Growth comes often through supportive people cheering us on and pointing out areas in which we excel, holding us accountable, and build us up in our weaknesses rather than tearing us down. I pray you have had people in your life who allowed you to have a voice and a place to share your ideas. And if you haven’t, I pray you see God as the always safe and always available mentor, Savior, friend, and ally who will walk beside us in these things when people fail.

How is God growing you as a leader right now?

We don’t need to be extroverts or particularly outgoing to be leaders. While sometimes those things help, having a voice and taking the lead can also look like sharing a word of discernment as a casual mentor, or speaking up on a committee, being an advocate for yourself or your child, or any number of small and large choices. We often think of leadership itself as a skill that comes by natural talent, or as a gift. There may be some truth in that, but I have noticed that good leadership takes practice. Leadership is not leadership without learning, exploring, and growing.

Leadership takes time and effort, intentional study, starts and stops, as well as failures and forgiveness.

If we were not given much space to practice being the leaders of our lives when we were little, that can take some healing, but God is in the business of healing. Christ can heal beyond our wildest imagination those things in our lives which were painful or disappointing. The same is true for things that less obviously need some healing – like our sense of independence and the shame or guilt that comes in when we try to assert ourselves.

Again, we need grace. We need a lens of grace when we look at our childhood and we need a lens of grace as we look at ourselves now. This can be especially important in initiative v guilt so that the guilt doesn’t sit and fester when we make mistakes or need to learn something new, when we step out in risk and go about it the wrong way. We want to honestly begin to see where we can make improvements and grow in our lives, not be weighed down by unhealthy guilt that becomes shame.

In learning initiative children practice stepping out and trying things on for size in leading and making innovative suggestions:

“Would you like to play with me?” is one aspect of initiative.

“I’ll carry that for you. I’m good at being very careful!” is another aspect of initiative.

“May I show you my favorite book?” is another aspect of initiative.

While, “Do you have some ideas to share?” is yet another aspect of initiative and a path to be a leader. 

Without space to learn to ask these questions and to be prompted to both lead and follow, children (and adults) end up feeling guilty when they both speak up for what they think and believe as well as take a step back to hear what others think and believe. Healthy initiative has both space for taking risks and advocating, as well as boundaries that let others contribute and share. Good leadership is neither mousy and silent or ruthless and bossy.

In your areas of leadership, what kind of risks do you take? Who do you advocate for?

In your areas of leadership, where could you speak up a little louder and more firmly, or where might it serve you well to step back and let others be more vocal? 

No matter our age or stage or areas of leadership, God sees our imperfections, but He also sees the whole story of who we are in Christ and what He will do through us. 

He sees how we are growing as leaders, in our time and our place, every day. 

We are always growing … in initiative.

Want to hear more about initiative?

Join me and special guest Dr. Kim Marxhausen for Mental Health Monday Live on the Heidi Goehmann Writes Facebook Page the third Monday of each month at noon CST. Not available for the live discussion at noon? Subscribe to the Heidi Goehmann Writes YouTube channel to watch the videos anytime. October 19th at noon we’ll be talking about Moral Development Theory and the childhood experiences that impact initiative and guilt.

Tune in to the Coffee Hour Podcast from kfuo.org to hear more from Biblical and psychological research on what builds initiative/leadership and what hinders initiative/leadership from infancy to adulthood. Subscribe here: