Bringing Empathy to Social Media

There is perhaps no space more in need of empathy than social media.

Do we need examples? I’m guessing not.

When was the last time you came across an argument online that was headed down the toilet and headed down the toilet quickly?

When was the last time you were concerned about someone hijacking your post and making it about some hot topic you didn’t intend it to be about?

When was the last time you felt someone misunderstood your post?

Social media is a great and awesome place for connection. I am so grateful for enduring relationships and new relationships I would have never had without the advent of social media. It’s easy to hate on it as the thing that ruins everything, but it also does add a layer of connection to our lives we wouldn’t have without it. 

Social media does, easily, lack empathy. It removes a layer of personhood that we engage in when we sit down in person, or even on the phone. It’s easy to say and do things we wouldn’t because we are speaking to the great internet void, rather than a person named Elvis who is drinking coffee at our table in one of our mugs and sharing his life story. We can’t see the tears, we can’t reach across and fill the silence, we can’t transmit and share laughter in an emoji the way we would with present, physical bodies.

That said, there are a few ways we can move to make social media a more empathetic place, where not only joy and excitement are shared, but also compassion and sorrow and grace. 

5 Tips to Spread Empathy Online

1 – Find Their Face

Compassion is read mostly through facial expression*. Eye contact is an important piece in the empathy puzzle. You can imagine it like God creating our whole bodies to respond to one another, with some truth to the expression that the eyes are the windows to the soul. God created our eyes to be one of the most expressive parts of us and also one of the most connecting parts of us.

Before you post a comment or respond to someone about a difficult topic, look at the person’s profile picture or another picture of that person, particularly paying attention to the person’s face. It’s not the same as in-person conversation, but it will connect us to people more empathetically than words on a computer screen.

2 - Know When to Abort or Relocate

Not all conversations were made for social media, and just because they started there, by accident or on purpose, doesn’t mean they need to stay there. Consider avoiding things you feel passionately about if you find yourself in heated conversations a large percentage of the time. You don’t have to hide parts of yourself, but you can choose when, where, and how to share them. Not everything needs to go on Facebook, or your Instagram story, or a quick Snapchat. I’m not saying don’t ever bring challenging stuff to light there. I do it all the time, and I hope you all use my website and read my stuff for those challenging bits; however, we can’t expect to change minds there. That work happens in other arenas, with social media as a support to those arenas. I can probably count on one hand the number of minds I’ve seen changed because of a social media post. It might happen, but know when texting or calling or organizing an event would be more impactful.

3 - Utilize the Facebook Disclaimer

Facebook has the longest posts and is, therefore, the most language-driven social medium available to us. That means it can also be the most connecting or the most disconnecting. Words are one of our primary ways of sharing ourselves and our stories. It’s helpful to acknowledge the elephant in the room – we all post on social media for us, even when we say it’s about other people. We post from our lenses of what we need and what we think this world needs.

We bring empathy to social media best by bringing hope to social media and connecting hope where people need it, connecting joy where people need it -- not from our lens every time; by definition, empathy is seeing through their lens and what they need. Consider this before posting: throw in a small disclaimer about what you think might be misconstrued from the post. This may feel awkward but it can be done with humor and lightness. Do not assume judgment from people, but acknowledge that we all have different lenses and state what you need or are seeking if you have any expectations, just as you would in a face-to-face relationship conversation.

4 - Be Real, but Understand the Intimacy Level

There is a tension on social media between sharing the junky stuff of life and understanding the accurate place of the relationships that we have there. I am encouraged by the mom who shares her miscarriage or the teen who shares his mental health struggle online. They are not only getting much-needed support, but they are also fighting stigma. I call that brave and strong. What I am concerned about is when the bottom falls out – when people fail to respond or the concern dries up, when we get platitudes or even meaningful responses, but do not get led to the resources we need for continued care. 

A helpful question is – “What intimacy level are we talking about here?”

What will you share with the friend whom you talk to every day versus what will you share with your thousand followers on Instagram? What makes a helpful and hilarious TikTok or YouTube video and what needs some processing time before it goes out into this big wide world? Who are your people who can give you more than a Facebook comment can? What groups are you in that offer more intimacy because of their small size or more likely face-to-face interaction versus what would you say to a large group of people with wide and varied contexts?

Intimacy matters, and if this article has you wondering who your safe people are, know that God hears you. He helps us discern and grow and He brings relationships into our lives so that we can get what we need. Pray about it and seek what you need with His strength and help, from His first, and He’ll fill in the rest.

5 – Just Be Happy for Them

This is perhaps the most challenging. We are seemingly always told to remember that social media is only one piece of the picture, that people are leaving out the darker parts of their stories. I’d like to ask a new question – What if we were just happy for them instead? What if we could find joy in other people’s vacations or professional successes without comparing them to our own?

I believe we can challenge ourselves to do this in the Body of Christ in particular. We are called to suffer together and also rejoice together. Just be happy for them. 

Social media does not have to be a negative space, but, just like all else in life, it’s a space full of sinners trying to do their best and sometimes failing miserably. We have the opportunity to be grace and to bring grace to everyone we encounter. Bring all the empathy, friends, especially on the internet. It goes a long way in making the world a brighter place.

Find more about the five tips above and other ideas for bringing more empathy to social media on this 30 minute radio episode:

Also, Listen to Heidi’s guest appearance on the topic of empathy for the podcast “Lutheran Ladies Lounge.” You don’t have to be Lutheran to enjoy this conversation!

Research link: * https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6343863/